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Thursday, July 31, 2014

Show don't tell-Miss Smith

For two days we have been working with Miss Smith for writing and we have been focusing on show don't tell. We were doing this to make our writing more interesting.  Can you guess how I'm feeling if you can comment below and I will reply.

WALT show not tell in our writing
WILF
I will begin by describing what the characters body felt like.
I will describe what they were thinking
I will leave the audience hanging
He dragged his hands down  his  face in stress. Bang Bang Bang he was pounding the wall like King Kong. His face started to boil as he wiped the sweat from his forehead.  He throw a chair at his mirror with tears running down his cold cheek. He started to think how he was going to fix what he had done..…..

Monday, July 28, 2014

Twitches Narrtive Writting

For the last week our class has been working on narrative writing. We were learning the structure of one at first. I think what I did well was describe how the fairies looked. I think I next time I could explain what happened to the witch.

“Welcome fairies you look fine today, Amy what a beautiful blue dress, and I noticed today you all have blonde glowing hair, Maleficent you look gorgeous too Ella Ella Ella there's isn't a word to describe how you look with your frilly dress” complimented the queen. All the fairies felt flattered “well we better get on to the gifts”shouted Amy. “My gift I give to you is that you two will be the most beautiful maidens and every boy or man that sees you will fall in love” said Amy with such grace. “My gift to you is the voice of an angel and when you sing anyone who hears you will be enchanted” Maleficent wished upon them. “My gift to you is that you will always be at the top of your grades and you will never fail a grade” Ella said with such wonder. “BAM!!” The door opened wide and in walked the evil sorceress Lucinda. “hah a party and i’m not invited hmmmm what’s wrong with this picture” she shouted with such horror. Everyone froze as she walked toward the twins. “Its my turn to give you two a gift” she whispered to herself. “Yes you will grow up with grace but on your sixteenth birthdays one of you will find an apple bite it then you will fall into a deep sleep and only true love can break this curse no-one else” she shouted across the room. Their father sent his soldiers to chop down every single apple tree and burn them. The years passed and Christy and Tristy grew older and older. Both with lucious brown glowing hair, and light tan skin. Christy had bright orange eyes, with a red dress and a sun headband. Now Tristy had a light blue dress, dark blue eyes and a crescent moon shaped headband. More and more time passed like Lucinda said they grew with grace.


The day was nearly here, their sixteenth birthday, now their father sent them off with the trustworthy fairies and said “do not bring them back until two days have passed”. Fare they went in to a place where no trees grew they kept the twins inside but the curse was too powerful. In the middle of the night Christy got lured into an enchanted forest and just like Lucinda said she found and bit an apple. She fell into a deep sleep and floated back to her room with the apple still in her hand.

Their father cried and cried and poured his eyes out. Christy on the other hand had locked herself inside her room and didn’t come out for days. A couple of days later she finally came out and went into the room where her sister was and hugged her and cried over her. When one tear touched Tristy’s face  she suddenly awoke and all was put into place.

Friday, July 25, 2014

Our Hurt-free Ad

For the last term our focus for Inquiry has been Mana Whenua. Our class came up with the idea of doing posters and one student said we should make an ad. Six students in my class got chosen to make an ad and I was one of them. We got put in groups of three My group was Hine, Mihi, and I. Next time I think we could put better examples in and make it a bit more cheerful.  A great thumbs up to our awesome photographer Hineataahua So here it is.
Our hurt free ad from Room 17 on Vimeo.

Wednesday, July 2, 2014

Show don't Tell

This week we have been looking at show don't tell that is when you describe how your feeling without telling the audience. But we have twisted it and and done it about hiding now everyone in the class have been stories about it. We have learning about this so we can hook the reader in and make it more interesting and descriptive. I really like how I described how tense it was getting. Next time I think I could maybe keep my ideas together instead of just putting them in no order.


“Boom boom boom boom” is all I could hear as I sat there in the pitch black room behind the curtain. I was a bit scared as I sat there but I didn't really care. The only thing I didn't want to happen was to get caught.  My eyes were glued shut, I was too afraid to open them, I thought that if I did they would be standing right there and they’d find me.   I was scrunched up into a little ball, it was so quiet I could hear my blood pumping around my body.  


“ Ooh they’re so dumb” I was thinking in my head. The Curtain was as cold as ice against my cheek.  Suddenly I felt something crawling up my leg, I slowly  opened my eyes and turned my head, I wanted to scream but I didn’t want to get caught, there was a big black spider on my leg, it was sooooo disgusting. It sent a shiver up my spine.  I quickly spotted a stick and wiped the spider off and squashed it. “Found you” I heard. “Ohh” I whispered as they stomped down the hallway. It was getting so tense. “I think I'm the last one” I whispered to myself.


Just at that moment they found me. “Play again?” they said “Nah I'm too good for you guys” I replied